singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
