I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
