Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
