alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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