I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
