Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
