I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
