he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
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making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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