We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
