Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
