I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Randomize
