Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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