We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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