WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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