saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
What happened to fro yo and sex?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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