if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
