I accidentally had phone sex last night
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
