is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
