I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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