he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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