I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
