Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
