I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
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I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
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How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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