Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize