dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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