im about as happy as oj after his trial
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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