mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
