She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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