Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
