i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
