It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
