Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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