somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
