Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
