If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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