a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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