marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
