Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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