It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
