Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
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