I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
