Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
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