I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
