I'll bet she douches with gravy.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
