I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
