I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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