Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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