I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
