just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
