Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
