Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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