Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
