she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
