Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
