Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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