Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
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Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
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Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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