I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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