Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
