I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
