Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
When are your genitals available?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize