dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
