Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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