Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
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I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
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I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
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