Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
