ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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