Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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