My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize