This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
