he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
