Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
