John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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