i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
