why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
