he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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