dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
accomplished twins. life is a go
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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