Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
