You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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