do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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