I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
