I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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