and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
