just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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