Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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